When Life Hands You Lemons, Grab the Remote

I’ve been living without a man around the house for just over a month now, and there are definitely some things I’ve had to get over. Spiders, for instance. I’ve had to kill numerous spiders all by myself. I tried to make the girls do it, but they were too busy screaming bloody murder at the eight-legged freaks to obey me. We’re going to have to work on that. Or something.

Then there was the time Godzilla snuck in my front door. WHAT DO YOU DO WITH A FOOT-LONG LIZARD IN YOUR LIVING ROOM? Trap it under a box, that’s what. Out into the garden he went — I spared his life on the promise that he’d eat any spiders before they wandered into the house. He has not been keeping his end of the bargain. Moral of the story? Never trust a lizard.

I’ve had to do all my own dishes. Leif used to do that. (Credit where credit is due.) Also, I don’t have a working dishwasher at the moment, so it’s all by hand. Ugh.

Money. Is. Tight.

So far, a toilet hasn’t clogged yet, but I know it will eventually (hello, I have kids!), and then it will be my responsibility to fix it. *Skipping off to knock on wood*

But there are some pretty neat things too. Since I’m a silver linings kinda girl, I’m taking great joy in the little things. Things like catching up on Nashville. Once the kiddos go to bed, my time is my own — yay! I started watching Nashville in Boston, and just got caught up on the season. Oh my gosh, I thought my life was full of drama! Such a good show, and highly recommended.

Routine and schedule. The girls and I have gotten into a groove already. It turns out that predictability is awesome. Who knew?

Sleeeeeeeeeep. Sweet sweet sleep. No snoring, no sleeping on the couch. Just sleeping in my own bed. All night long. Ok, I still get up to use the ladies room at least once, but then I go right back to bed and fall asleep again.

Time to recharge. When Leif has the girls, it’s completely guilt-free time to myself. I know they want to see him and vice versa, and that they’re with someone that loves them (almost) as much as I do (they lived in me — trump card!). Of course I miss them, but I’m glad that they have a relationship with their dad. Every girl needs a daddy.

Did I mention total control of the remote? So what if my cable is so basic I only get 10 channels? That’s what Hulu is for.

Yeah, life is going to throw you challenges, but it’s how you cope with them that matters. Life is messy and complicated, and it’s too short to live negatively. So when your marriage falls apart (or whatever is getting you down), find the very cool, maybe somewhat selfish things to do that make you happy. Do the things you couldn’t really do before. Spend time getting to know yourself again. You might even like who you find.

Now. Has anyone seen my remote? It’s around here somewhere, and I have some very important flippant channel Hulu surfing to do.


  1. Jennifer Waite says:

    I always tell me daughter she doesn’t need to be afraid of anything smaller than her foot. She doesn’t know about brown recluses yet.

    I would have lost it with the lizard thing.

  2. jumbalayah says:

    “…find the very cool, maybe somewhat selfish things to do that make you happy.”

    Like tossing your husband aside and reveling in the utter destruction in the wake of what seemed to once be a well-constructed family unit with a solid foundation in Christianity.

    You’re a slave to the liberal promise of feminist empowerment at the expense of real masculinity. Shame on you for calling yourself a conservative.

    • Exactly Jumbalaya. Someday she may realize what she has done. Hopefully Leif will raise those girls right and teach them how to be good wives and mothers. I’ll probably never visit this blog again. I was directed here after reading a good article. The author was pointing out the stupid behavior of this woman. None the less, I’d love to see photos of her 10 years from now. Completely washed up, big as a house and raising cats.

      I know her husband probably had dreams and visions of a lifelong commitment with a woman he loved but the truth is she did him the biggest favor she could have ever done when she bailed out. Now, let the manosophere find him, support ideals for him, and teach him how to have sex with younger more premium women. There is no revenge that hurts more than success.

  3. The truther says:

    Such trivial “perks” compared to what you lost.
    Nashville? remotes and TVs? is that really worth more than the destruction of your family?

  4. whore kill yourself vile bitch slut skank

  5. So have you got a new job?

    It must be liberating to work a full week so you don’t have to usurp your husband and so that you can share the kids for their own good.

  6. blondenipples says:

    You are not a Christian, and you never have been.

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