The Things People Say

“Jenny, I only have one comment on your blog posts this week.”

“Yes?” Here it comes. The Judgment. Whatever, I’ve been so judged throughout my life and especially recently that it barely registers anymore. I’m a conservative woman that works in politics and now I’m a Christian wife separated from her husband — I’ve dealt with more than my fair share of Judgey McJudgersons.

“You didn’t slam him. Good job, Mama, I know that must have been very hard, but your kids will reap the benefits.”

THANK YOU!!! Yes, that’s the kind of encouragement and support that’s appreciated right now — as opposed to the accusations (both veiled and bald-faced) that I’ve been getting about what went wrong in my marriage and/or how I’m acting wrongly now. Because yeah, that’s happening.

There are no less than 8,497 reasons I filed for divorce and moved out with the kids. Like I said, there was no one big event that led to this … it was a slow erosion. Death by a thousand cuts, if you will. It would be easy and momentarily satisfying to air our dirty laundry and garner some sympathy, but I’m thinking long game right now.

The long game is that we have children and I have a conscious. Leif is their father and their hero, and there’s no reason for them to feel otherwise about their daddy. Being a loving dad was never an issue.

Side note: I just went back to first blog on this to get the link above, and I made the mistake of reading the comments. What was I saying about Judgey McJudgersons again? Just … wow.

Anyway. Leif is a good dad, we have amazing kids together, and I hope and pray that at some point we can be on the same page.

Now. To the people that seem to be under the mistaken impression that I’m a selfish, selfish girl … I roll my eyes in your general direction. Here are some of the comments I’ve gotten and how I would like to respond.

Marriage isn’t a joyride — it requires a lot of hard work. Tell me about it! It requires extra hard work when one person thinks everything is just fine and the other is miserable. You can only drag the horse to the water so many times and watch it not drink before you throw your hands in the air and walk away. Sometimes it’s not about giving up; it’s about letting go.

You’re hurting my feelings by blogging about your separation. Wow, I’m so sorry that talking about this instead of shutting up about it is hurting *your* feelings. I’m also sorry someone tied you to a chair, propped your eyelids open, and forced you to read my blog. If I were to force someone to read something it would probably be Steinbeck or Fitzgerald, but to each their own.

It’s not fair to Leif to be blogging about this. Look. I’m a blogger. Before I was a blogger, I was a sharer. I’ve been telling stories about my life to anyone that would listen for as long as I can remember. Leif has often told me that the first time he really noticed me was when I was 17 and speaking to our entire church congregation about a mission trip to Mexico I’d just gotten back from.

Talking about my life and experiences is who I am. He knew it when he married me and he shouldn’t be surprised by it now.

Jenny, you need to humble yourself to God’s will. Seriously? No, really … SERIOUSLY?? Please tell me again how you know more about God’s will for my life than I do … Was it your tarot cards or your crystal ball? Because you sure as heck don’t know what happened in my marriage, let alone what’s happened in my heart and brain.

I love you but … I’ve been hearing an awful lot of I love you buts recently. No. You either love me or you don’t. Just because you preface something diminishing with an I love you doesn’t make it ok. Love does not boast, even about itself.

He wants to change. Into what? A pumpkin? If he wants to change, he’ll do it. I hope he does some self-reflection. Everyone needs that.

God hates divorce. Yes he does. But sometimes He allows it. When did getting divorced become the biggest sin outside of murder? I missed the part in the bible that says God cares more about marriage than His people.

This is a sad situation. I know there are lots of people upset that I’m being vocal about it, but for every one of those there are ten people offering encouragement. And I’ll take 10-to-1 odds any day.

Comments

  1. If you don’t want criticisms, why are you choosing blogging as the medium for communicating your thoughts and feelings? Isn’t blogging a forum for inviting discussion which includes rebuttals? If blogging is “just the way you are,” rebuttals, criticisms, and “judging” are “just the way blogs are.” Comments sections, by definition, are opportunities for readers to provide “judgments.” I would recommend turning off the comments section if you only want comments that you agree with.

  2. Although I don’t necessarily disagree or agree with your actions, you and your husband have my deepest sympathies for what you’re enduring.

    However, if you are a Christian, I’m not sure why you’re against Christians judging each other. Christians are biblically mandated to judge one another: “Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside” (1 Cor 5:12-13). Matthew 7 deals with judging in matters of personal hypocrisy, when the judger himself/herself is guilty of the same things. The first passage is private judgments, the latter is public (btw, this blog is public). Hence, Matthew 7 cannot be taken as a sweeping indictment against all judging.

    I’m not trying to be insensitive, I’m just pointing it out.

    – a faithful reader

  3. The Atomic Mom says:

    I’m just going to say that I’m sorry you have to go thru this. I’m very deeply sorry. I hope that things will get better for you soon.

  4. Jennifer Waite says:

    Been thinking about you. Hang in there.

    God understands, and someday your girls will if they don’t now. That’s all that matters.

    It seems like your pious Christian readers who feel commanded by their interpretation of the Bible to publicly judge you have had plenty of time on the platform, and perhaps now a boycott of your blog is in order.

  5. ProudFather says:

    Welcome to the surreal world of one Jenny Erkison…

    A “woman” whose poo-poo doesn’t stink. She was, according to what she has written, the ultimate dedicated wife. She walked on a two inch cushion of air beneath her feet in perfect wifely saintliness, as far as we can tell.

    Just wondering… since Jenny counts “8,497 reasons” why she filed for divorce. (Gee, where’s Jenny quoting Corinthians on THIS one?? “Love does not keep an account of wrongs..”) When do we get to hear about the thousand cuts that LEIF had to endure? I’m willing to bet there were at least 100 occasions where Leif wanted to make love (to the woman he was legally married to, and provided a good home for) and Jenny gave him the cold shoulder. Any takers on THAT bet? anyone? Come on y’all!!

    How about self admitted “smart mouth” moments where Jenny acted like a total witch to Leif?

    Nooo no nooooo… Jenny was a perfect sinless angel I guess. Incapable of any of the usual array of wifely vices that no one ever condemns from the pulpit.

  6. Bill Cereske says:

    Leif has agreed that Jenny was, in fact, a good wife and a good mother. She TRIED, in case you didn’t notice, to keep things going, and even fool herself into thinking she was in a good marriage, one that wasn’t being corrupted by an unfulfilling husband and an overly judgmental church; but in the end, truth will out, and God put Jenny on a new path. Why all the hate? Oh, maybe it’s about your frustrated sex life, which is why you bring up a totally unrelated topic of their sex life??? Sorry you’re not getting any, but that’s no reason to take it out on a blameless blogger whose only “crime” is being open and honest!

    • ProudFather says:

      Ah, so now the standard that MEN are held to is being a “fulfilling” hubbs eh?
      Wow, talk about moving the goalposts there Billy boy!
      And how does one PROVE one was in an “unfulfilling” marriage? Jeesssh… to think that years ago the standard was proveable ADULTERY. Ah well, thanks for bringing my sex life into it, as it was a good diversion from Jenny’s evasive treachery. Don’t worry, my sex life is just dandy.

      So, maybe you can address my point that, perhaps “Leif” was a sexually deprived husband?

      Oh well, we all know that’s not part of the marriage contract, OR Biblical admonitions to not defraud your husband or wife of marital relations.

      Enjoy your mangina-apologist life, man.

      • Both Bill and Leif, the faggot ex husband, are fucking beta male faggots. It’s no wonder women divorce these losers, they are beta males.

  7. And this just in…

    “Monogamy Made Us Human ,” by William Tucker, National Review, 3 Feb 2014
    http://www.nationalreview.com/article/370159/monogamy-made-us-human-william-tucker

    One woman and one man, for life… because harems and Alpha-chasing is socially-unstable and harmful to offspring (even in monkeys). Progressive leftists, even as far back as Engels, however, have advocated all that (non-monogamy) as liberating, etc. for their ends. As a button in the ’60s said: “That funny feeling isn’t love, it’s sex.” And that, Jenny, is what you found instead when you decided you’d been wrong about marriage. (Maybe you should’ve picked a hotter guy to begin with– hindsight is 20/20.) But, “if it feels good, do it” now is wrong for more reasons than one. Just saying.

    • Anonymous says:

      Gee, crickets chirping… a serious comment and an article right off ol’ William F. Buckley’s National Review for a conservative argument. (C’mon, liberals reading this, call it “racist”… but, then again, you guys tend to clam up– don’t dignify it with a response and it won’t exist, make the bad man stop!!– when something’s too close to making a point.) Really, thought I get some ad hominem guff on this.

  8. Jenny, Have you thought about pressing charges against some of these commenters? Especially Cadtheplayer. He has threatened to find you, said he knows your city, and basically talks about raping you. I really hope you file a police report at the very least, and maybe through IP tracing, this will stop.

    • ProudFather says:

      Jeesh Ryan,

      Why not advise Jenny that it’s not wise to broadcast real names, and photos of her kids online?!
      What kind of lame-brained parent does THAT?

      And really, you can’t tell that a guy with a screen name “cad the player” isn’t an over-the-top joker?

      I don’t find his humor funny, but honestly, I find your “White Knighting” behavior to be creepier than outright rude jokes about “anal.”

      Why are YOU coming to Jenny’s rescue? What designs do YOU have on her?

      Perhaps, I should call CA Cybercrimes division, and have them do IP traces, and server log subpoenas on YOU?

      This is the WEB buddy, if you can’t handle the uncensored nature, then I advise you go play with “My Little Pony”.. I’ve heard tell that there’s a substantial subculture of effeminate guys into that sort of thing (google “bronies”)

    • Anonymous says:

      Ah, thank you, Ryan, for that totally leftist attitude that “free speech” agrees with and support whatever you like or must be punished by the state.

    • What a pathetic beta male mangina. Ryan, Jenny is NOT going to sleep with you by acting like a white knight. Stop being a beta male loser and grow a pair of balls, faggot.

  9. You can hardly expect people who love you to remain silent about your decision or to agree with you about it necessarily. The fact they say “I love you, but…” is really neither here nor there. Looks like a mote and beam situation to me.

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